Ella and I went to the park this morning. Cold. The pond was covered with ice which was covered with a very, very thin layer of snow. Only a trace of snow on the ground. No ducks. Where do they go? It seems to me that this time last year - of course, I was just getting into the chemo routine - but it seems to me that the ducks were around longer. Perhaps they have just ... moved ... temporarily. I guess I'll find out.
I went to a wake this week, M - a woman I knew through work, a wonderful person. She was the account rep for one of the suppliers we deal with and I negotiate contracts with. She became a kind of role model for me; someone who was always professional, courteous, but not formal or cold. Warm and personable. Always calm. Always listening. She became a friend. Less than a year ago she retired, after 30 years on the job. I knew we'd miss her, but I was happy that she would have more time with her family, kids, grandkids. Then about 4 months ago, I learned through people at her former company that she had been diagnosed with Corticobasal degeneration, a degenerative brain disease that is very rare and quite horrible. It seems to combine the physical degeneration of Parkinson's type conditions with the mental degeneration of Alzheimer's and then speeds up both degenerations to destroy - physically and mentally - its victim over a very short period of time. At any rate, M died this week- age 66 - after a last year more terrible than can even be imagined. May she rest in peace. May M's memory be a blessing for her family and for each of us who were graced with having known her.
My daughter prepares to go to Haiti to work early in January. Meanwhile the Haitian people are in the streets, raising fists and voices. And Cholera slinks through the camps to strike more and more. There is a Yiddish word - shanda - it means shame. But in a sense that we don't seem to have a real word for in English or in the Western sensibility. At any rate, Haiti is a shanda on the West, the industrialized countries of the world, and the U.S. in particular. To permit Haiti to suffer as it does ... a shanda. I again urge each of you to buy a calendar from S.O.I.L., whose work is only a small step forward, but important.
On a lighter note, I installed my roller-feeder bird feeder. So far, no birds have found it, or perhaps they are puzzled but its odd shape or perhaps I didn't fill it correctly. I intend to check later today. However, the good news is that the evil little rodent monster squirrels have found it and been foiled! I didn't see this, but this is David's report: a squirrel scrambled up the pole that holds the feeder, just as it had done successfully with the old feeder. It reached out its grasping little claws to grab the new rollerfeeder, and when it did, the rollerfeeder turned and the squirrel had to make a quick decision -let go of the pole and hang from the roller feeder? Or let go of the roller feeder? It chose the latter and then found itself trying to hold onto the pole with its little claws. Instead it slid down the pole.... rrrrrrrrr.... plop. Ha! Foiled! Since it's dark when I go to work and dark when I get home, I haven't had the pleasure of seeing the squirrels being foiled yet. I'm hoping to enjoy that experience this weekend. Thanks again to my friend H for the tip on roller feeders!
Dr. M, my primary oncologist, called last week to again postpone my next check up. Now scheduled for December 28th. This time the postponement didn't take me aback. I called and made an appointment in January with my opthomologist. I was on the point of having cataract surgery before Cancer came knocking. I think I need to think about it next year, but in the meantime, I'm pretty sure I need a new prescription.
Enough. A wish for peace to each and all, near and far.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Friday morning
Gosh, more than a week since I last wrote here and that only to say Happy Thanksgiving! I'm writing on Friday morning because I took 1/2 day vacation today; I'll go in to the office in an hour or so.
Today was a milestone. I got my haircut for the first time in more than a year. A year ago the day after Thanksgiving, my friend H took me to her stylist who shaved my head. Today I went back to L, the stylist, and she trimmed my chemo-curls. Kind of short, but this way I should only have to go back every 8 weeks or so.
We adopted Ella and are continuing to enjoy getting to know her. She has a canine sense of humor. She will lay on the floor on her side or back and toss one of her "toys" in the air and try to catch it when it comes down. She has very large paws and, in general, is a BIG girl. The Rescue Group's "ad" on line about her said she weighed about 50 pounds, but I took her to the vet last night - just for a check-in/check-up, and she weighed 69 pounds - a 19 pound difference - and she's not through filling out. She was very thin when she came to us and the vet thinks she should weigh around 72 or 73 pounds! She's very long - from the tip of her brown (not black! I'm used to black noses) nose to the end of her soft curly tan tail. She has what I call a "girly dog" bark - I am used to a deeper bark from Jessie, and Ella kind of squeak-barks. She likes to stand with her paws on the radiator cover and look out the window, hunting squirrels and generally checking things out.
We have been to the park a few times, most recently last weekend. There was ice forming on the pond, not thick or deep, just a silvery skim. Then we had warm days, and now cold again. This weekend my guess is there will be more ice.
Thanks again to my friend H I ordered a new bird feeder to hang in front of our living room windows. The one I hung there earlier this year was discovered by the evil cabal of squirrel thieves that apparently call the trees in our yard home. The dastardly little rodents are able to claw their way up the 1/2 inch square metal pole - how I don't know - and then leap to the edge of the feeder, causing it to rock wildly, hang on and grab seeds. They've eaten most of the last 2 refills. I've given up filling the feeder until the new one comes. It is called a "rollerfeeder" (check it out: rollerfeeder.com) and H says since she installed it, the squirrel thieves in her neck of the neighborhood are completely foiled. She said they got on it a couple times - and when they do, the feeder "spins" so they hang on the bottom or something and anyway, can't reach the seed. After a couple of tries, they gave up She says they sit on the deck below where the feeder hangs (where they could reach it) and stare at it. I assume the gears of their little rodent minds are turning as fast as they're capable of, seeking a solution. Hopefully they won't find it - or evolve higher intelligence - at least in my lifetime. The new feeder hasn't arrived yet - maybe today! I can't wait to ruin the nasty little rodents' day.
Wow - some hostility towards squirrels, right? I bought a "bird feeder," not a "squirrel feeder". Those squirrels seem to have no trouble feeding themselves.
At any rate, that's an update on the personal side.
Wiki Leaks in the news. Long term unemployment at rates never seen, and Congress in its spineless capitalist-loving wisdom, did not renew unemployment benefits. A year since the earthquake in Haiti, almost, and in one month recently 30,000 new cholera cases. I read that they brought in porta-potties (Western style like for Rock Festivals!) which have to be emptied, but there's no technology to do that, so then they have to pay a company much $$ to haul the filled porta-pots away, dump them in a rubbish dump (which just lets the sewage seep back into the ground) and bring them back. Great solution - recycling the waste literally "through" the human community - by collecting it, paying someone to move it and dump it on the ground, so it gets in the water where people drink it, and then get diarrhea (or worse - cholera).
Where have all the flowers gone?
Today was a milestone. I got my haircut for the first time in more than a year. A year ago the day after Thanksgiving, my friend H took me to her stylist who shaved my head. Today I went back to L, the stylist, and she trimmed my chemo-curls. Kind of short, but this way I should only have to go back every 8 weeks or so.
We adopted Ella and are continuing to enjoy getting to know her. She has a canine sense of humor. She will lay on the floor on her side or back and toss one of her "toys" in the air and try to catch it when it comes down. She has very large paws and, in general, is a BIG girl. The Rescue Group's "ad" on line about her said she weighed about 50 pounds, but I took her to the vet last night - just for a check-in/check-up, and she weighed 69 pounds - a 19 pound difference - and she's not through filling out. She was very thin when she came to us and the vet thinks she should weigh around 72 or 73 pounds! She's very long - from the tip of her brown (not black! I'm used to black noses) nose to the end of her soft curly tan tail. She has what I call a "girly dog" bark - I am used to a deeper bark from Jessie, and Ella kind of squeak-barks. She likes to stand with her paws on the radiator cover and look out the window, hunting squirrels and generally checking things out.
We have been to the park a few times, most recently last weekend. There was ice forming on the pond, not thick or deep, just a silvery skim. Then we had warm days, and now cold again. This weekend my guess is there will be more ice.
Thanks again to my friend H I ordered a new bird feeder to hang in front of our living room windows. The one I hung there earlier this year was discovered by the evil cabal of squirrel thieves that apparently call the trees in our yard home. The dastardly little rodents are able to claw their way up the 1/2 inch square metal pole - how I don't know - and then leap to the edge of the feeder, causing it to rock wildly, hang on and grab seeds. They've eaten most of the last 2 refills. I've given up filling the feeder until the new one comes. It is called a "rollerfeeder" (check it out: rollerfeeder.com) and H says since she installed it, the squirrel thieves in her neck of the neighborhood are completely foiled. She said they got on it a couple times - and when they do, the feeder "spins" so they hang on the bottom or something and anyway, can't reach the seed. After a couple of tries, they gave up She says they sit on the deck below where the feeder hangs (where they could reach it) and stare at it. I assume the gears of their little rodent minds are turning as fast as they're capable of, seeking a solution. Hopefully they won't find it - or evolve higher intelligence - at least in my lifetime. The new feeder hasn't arrived yet - maybe today! I can't wait to ruin the nasty little rodents' day.
Wow - some hostility towards squirrels, right? I bought a "bird feeder," not a "squirrel feeder". Those squirrels seem to have no trouble feeding themselves.
At any rate, that's an update on the personal side.
Wiki Leaks in the news. Long term unemployment at rates never seen, and Congress in its spineless capitalist-loving wisdom, did not renew unemployment benefits. A year since the earthquake in Haiti, almost, and in one month recently 30,000 new cholera cases. I read that they brought in porta-potties (Western style like for Rock Festivals!) which have to be emptied, but there's no technology to do that, so then they have to pay a company much $$ to haul the filled porta-pots away, dump them in a rubbish dump (which just lets the sewage seep back into the ground) and bring them back. Great solution - recycling the waste literally "through" the human community - by collecting it, paying someone to move it and dump it on the ground, so it gets in the water where people drink it, and then get diarrhea (or worse - cholera).
Where have all the flowers gone?
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Wednesday morning
Ella and I went to the park this morning. A chilly and fierce wind was blowing; kind of eerie.
My daughter called the other day; she has been offered a job in Haiti with S.O.I.L. She intends to accept and go to Haiti in January. She's informed them about her application to UC Santa Cruz (although she recognizes that if UCSC does accept her for the 6-month program that starts in April, she still has to find a way to get the money to attend). At any rate, it sounds like S.O.I.L. would let her go attend the program and, I guess, come back afterwards. She just posted this link on Facebook which I - taking a clue from the article title - read and decided to share here:
http://dyinginhaiti.blogspot.com/2010/11/if-you-dont-read-anything-else-about.html?spref=fb
As I prepare to roast a free-range turkey for David, his brother and myself, along with sweet potatoes, acorn squash, stuffing, apple cobbler, David's delicious cranberry walnut bread - my thoughts are with those in Haiti, waiting for foreign and local bureaucrats to address their life-and-death struggle with cholera, to provide simple IV fluids that would save 80% of those affected. I know for what I am thankful - I have had a good year, with a good job and health insurance, a great team of oncologists, loving family, supportive friends, and together beat back the beast, Cancer. My children are healthy. My son working, my daughter-in-law providing the center that holds, my grandson growing, thriving. My daughter finding her own path and commitment to repairing the world. My brother well, my cousin C recovered from an almost fatal accident, my aunt feisty as ever, my cousin D hanging in there, her brother D, supporting his lovely big family. All their children well. For what should those dying of an all-too-curable disease in Haiti be thankful for this year?
Ah... peace and justice... The sun shines down on all, but suffering still lays a dark shadow on those who least can bear it. Why? For how long? I can only ask, what can I do?
My daughter called the other day; she has been offered a job in Haiti with S.O.I.L. She intends to accept and go to Haiti in January. She's informed them about her application to UC Santa Cruz (although she recognizes that if UCSC does accept her for the 6-month program that starts in April, she still has to find a way to get the money to attend). At any rate, it sounds like S.O.I.L. would let her go attend the program and, I guess, come back afterwards. She just posted this link on Facebook which I - taking a clue from the article title - read and decided to share here:
http://dyinginhaiti.blogspot.com/2010/11/if-you-dont-read-anything-else-about.html?spref=fb
As I prepare to roast a free-range turkey for David, his brother and myself, along with sweet potatoes, acorn squash, stuffing, apple cobbler, David's delicious cranberry walnut bread - my thoughts are with those in Haiti, waiting for foreign and local bureaucrats to address their life-and-death struggle with cholera, to provide simple IV fluids that would save 80% of those affected. I know for what I am thankful - I have had a good year, with a good job and health insurance, a great team of oncologists, loving family, supportive friends, and together beat back the beast, Cancer. My children are healthy. My son working, my daughter-in-law providing the center that holds, my grandson growing, thriving. My daughter finding her own path and commitment to repairing the world. My brother well, my cousin C recovered from an almost fatal accident, my aunt feisty as ever, my cousin D hanging in there, her brother D, supporting his lovely big family. All their children well. For what should those dying of an all-too-curable disease in Haiti be thankful for this year?
Ah... peace and justice... The sun shines down on all, but suffering still lays a dark shadow on those who least can bear it. Why? For how long? I can only ask, what can I do?
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Saturday morning
I went back to the park today, first time since I went back alone after Jessie died. Today I had our foster dog, Ella, with me. It was good to be back. It was strange to be there with a dog other than Jessie, but still good to greet the creatures. Today the creatures that appeared were limited to ducks - many of them - squirrels - more of them - and at some point, a big gaggle of Canada geese. Literally dozens of them, pushing the Mallards out of their preferred spot close to the shore of the north (big) side of the pond to hog it for themselves (if a goose can be said to 'hog' something). Ella seemed to enjoy being at the park, especially the squirrels.
Ella is a very different dog than Jessie, not just physically - she is a mix of perhaps German Shepherd dog and definitely Greyhound - but personality wise. She is sweet, and more expressively affectionate than Jessie (a grand sign of emotion from Jessie was to push her nose into your arm and possibly, if you were VERY lucky, to lick your hand one time). Ella is capable of sprawling out on the bed or floor, or curling on the couch and vegging out (if a dog can "veg out'), but she is lively when we go outside. She's learning to walk on a leash, but still tends to dance on it a bit. She's mad for squirrels. I can tell Ella has "sight hound" in her (versus "scent hound"). Of course she sniffs around a little as we walk, but not as much as Jessie or other dogs I've known. Instead she is incredibly focused in watching everything around her. She will stare upwards, at the sky, when a flock of crows go overhead. The other night she stared at the moon, which was nearly full, gleaming in the night sky.
News on other fronts - today is the start of a week's vacation for me. Thanksgiving and the day after are holidays at my job, so I took Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off as well. No real plans - except to relax, get to know Ella better, perhaps straighten up the house a little. My oncologist, Dr. M's office called and postponed my November 30 appointment to December 20th. That felt weird - gave rise to a feeling of slight insecurity, as if to stay healthy I needed to see him sooner rather than later. But of course, if he is comfortable that I can wait 3 weeks, I can wait three weeks. So I'll see him 12/20 and then Dr. R in late January at which time I'll make the appointment for the next CT scan, likely in April (which will be 1 year since finishing the chemo/radiation/chemo treatments). I still wonder how cancer survivors measure their survivorship - from their diagnosis (in which case I am One Year out) or from the end of their treatment, which would be April for me. From diagnosis seems to make sense because, in fact, I HAVE survived for one year since my diagnosis. In some ways, it seems much longer; in other ways, the year has flown by. As Thanksgiving approaches, I recall last year's holiday, when I had just started chemo, and I think it was the Friday after Thanksgiving that I went and had my hair shaved off. Now my head is full of curls - chemo curls. When people compliment my hair, I tell them they too can have such curls, all it takes is a few months of chemotherapy! Actually I like my curly hair - I am just trying not to become invested or attached to it, since I understand the effects of chemo on hair often are not permanent.
In the world, madness. Cholera in Haiti. Cholera! Unbelievable. My daughter is planning to go back to Haiti next year, again to volunteer with S.O.I.L. (http://www.oursoil.org/). Perhaps some day I'll be able to go with her. She designed their new 2011 calendar for them - available at the foregoing website. It's a great organization and I encourage all to support it (of course, I'm buying a bunch of the calendars and so some of you may get one from me as a holiday present!)
Then there are the mid-term election results. A pox on all their houses. If government's acts (and omissions) didn't cause and increase real world suffering, I would say the next 2 years might be "fun," in the sense of watching a deadly poisonous snake eat itself tail first.
Being in the park today reminded me that life persists, even when the world seems to turn dark, when tree limbs are bare, and grass and leaves brown and decay, and the air is chill, life hunkers down and reserves itself, and waits patiently for its time to come again, to push out and strive. This is the way of nature, and are we not creatures of nature? Can we learn to be patient, to hunker down when we must but still to have hope, reserve our strength and find our own time, and then stir, rise and strive?
Peace and kindness.
Ella is a very different dog than Jessie, not just physically - she is a mix of perhaps German Shepherd dog and definitely Greyhound - but personality wise. She is sweet, and more expressively affectionate than Jessie (a grand sign of emotion from Jessie was to push her nose into your arm and possibly, if you were VERY lucky, to lick your hand one time). Ella is capable of sprawling out on the bed or floor, or curling on the couch and vegging out (if a dog can "veg out'), but she is lively when we go outside. She's learning to walk on a leash, but still tends to dance on it a bit. She's mad for squirrels. I can tell Ella has "sight hound" in her (versus "scent hound"). Of course she sniffs around a little as we walk, but not as much as Jessie or other dogs I've known. Instead she is incredibly focused in watching everything around her. She will stare upwards, at the sky, when a flock of crows go overhead. The other night she stared at the moon, which was nearly full, gleaming in the night sky.
News on other fronts - today is the start of a week's vacation for me. Thanksgiving and the day after are holidays at my job, so I took Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off as well. No real plans - except to relax, get to know Ella better, perhaps straighten up the house a little. My oncologist, Dr. M's office called and postponed my November 30 appointment to December 20th. That felt weird - gave rise to a feeling of slight insecurity, as if to stay healthy I needed to see him sooner rather than later. But of course, if he is comfortable that I can wait 3 weeks, I can wait three weeks. So I'll see him 12/20 and then Dr. R in late January at which time I'll make the appointment for the next CT scan, likely in April (which will be 1 year since finishing the chemo/radiation/chemo treatments). I still wonder how cancer survivors measure their survivorship - from their diagnosis (in which case I am One Year out) or from the end of their treatment, which would be April for me. From diagnosis seems to make sense because, in fact, I HAVE survived for one year since my diagnosis. In some ways, it seems much longer; in other ways, the year has flown by. As Thanksgiving approaches, I recall last year's holiday, when I had just started chemo, and I think it was the Friday after Thanksgiving that I went and had my hair shaved off. Now my head is full of curls - chemo curls. When people compliment my hair, I tell them they too can have such curls, all it takes is a few months of chemotherapy! Actually I like my curly hair - I am just trying not to become invested or attached to it, since I understand the effects of chemo on hair often are not permanent.
In the world, madness. Cholera in Haiti. Cholera! Unbelievable. My daughter is planning to go back to Haiti next year, again to volunteer with S.O.I.L. (http://www.oursoil.org/). Perhaps some day I'll be able to go with her. She designed their new 2011 calendar for them - available at the foregoing website. It's a great organization and I encourage all to support it (of course, I'm buying a bunch of the calendars and so some of you may get one from me as a holiday present!)
Then there are the mid-term election results. A pox on all their houses. If government's acts (and omissions) didn't cause and increase real world suffering, I would say the next 2 years might be "fun," in the sense of watching a deadly poisonous snake eat itself tail first.
Being in the park today reminded me that life persists, even when the world seems to turn dark, when tree limbs are bare, and grass and leaves brown and decay, and the air is chill, life hunkers down and reserves itself, and waits patiently for its time to come again, to push out and strive. This is the way of nature, and are we not creatures of nature? Can we learn to be patient, to hunker down when we must but still to have hope, reserve our strength and find our own time, and then stir, rise and strive?
Peace and kindness.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Thursday evening
Another mammogram out of the way. Results fine. Bone scan apparently indicates I have whatever the preliminary to osteoporosis is, so I guess I do need to try to take calcium and vitamin D. At any rate, these are issues that are much easier to deal with than those I faced at this time last year. I realized the other day that I had reached a one year anniversary of the first chemo. I remember how petrified I was. Recalling those feelings in turn recalls all the love, support, compassion and kindness of so many friends and family members that supported me - without each of you I would not have made it through those first dark difficult days, and all the others that followed. I am a lucky human being.
On another front, a strange development. David and I have been missing Jessie so much, herself specifically, and as a representative of all loyal, loving dog friends who make themselves so "present" in the lives they are called on to share. And without any real intention of taking any action, I began a few days ago looking on line at dogs available for adoption in CT. (That's how I first found Jessie - on line under the heading "Urgent!".) And one little dog face struck me some how. A day or so later I sent an email to the contact for this dog, just asking how old the dog was with no intention of anything further. Turns out this dog - who is now called Ella - has a deep story. She is about a year old, some sort of shepherd-mix, tan, a big girl but not huge. She was rescued by an organization called Connecticut Underhound Railroad (I kid you not) from a shelter in Missouri where she was to be killed within a day or so, or even hours. Someone there contacted this organization in CT (as well as dozens of other rescue organizations around the country). Even though the organization here had never rescued any dog from the midwest (they work with "high kill" shelters in the South), something about this particular dog struck the woman who received the email. And one thing led to another. The woman here committed to the volunteer in Missouri to figuring out how to get the dog from Missouri to Maine (where the woman lives). The woman in Missouri arranged to board the dog somewhere in Missouri in the meantime. It took a month or more for the woman here to arrange transportation to bring the dog to Maine (where the woman lives) and a little longer to find a place in Maine to "foster" the dog - a "doggie day care center." Then the organization posted Ella's picture on line as available for adoption, a few weeks ago, I think. And this week, I saw it.
Now David and I may meet Ella this weekend - if arrangements to bring her from Maine can be worked out - and "foster" her for a week or so to see if she likes us and we like her and even might want to adopt her long term. In a way it seems too soon after losing Jessie. In another way, it feels like something that just is supposed to be happening. Even if we decide this is not the dog for us long term, perhaps we will keep her as a "foster" dog for a while. I have to think, that Jessie would approve of us helping another dog in any way, short or long term.
So very many dogs, treated like disposable toys, discarded for any or no reason than convenience. Of course in a world in which human beings treat other human beings - even children - as disposable, how can I be surprised that some would treat "mere" creatures the same and worse. Perhaps one day dogs will evolve (while we humans are still yelling at each other on MSNBC and Fox News) and learn to speak for themselves and rise up, seek justice. They can only improve this world, and I for one will be happy to hand it over to them, to the loyalty, commitment and love they embody every day. Perhaps if I learn to evolve some more myself, one of them will consider me to be "adoptable."
Peace. Kindness and compassion to all creatures, including little Ella.
On another front, a strange development. David and I have been missing Jessie so much, herself specifically, and as a representative of all loyal, loving dog friends who make themselves so "present" in the lives they are called on to share. And without any real intention of taking any action, I began a few days ago looking on line at dogs available for adoption in CT. (That's how I first found Jessie - on line under the heading "Urgent!".) And one little dog face struck me some how. A day or so later I sent an email to the contact for this dog, just asking how old the dog was with no intention of anything further. Turns out this dog - who is now called Ella - has a deep story. She is about a year old, some sort of shepherd-mix, tan, a big girl but not huge. She was rescued by an organization called Connecticut Underhound Railroad (I kid you not) from a shelter in Missouri where she was to be killed within a day or so, or even hours. Someone there contacted this organization in CT (as well as dozens of other rescue organizations around the country). Even though the organization here had never rescued any dog from the midwest (they work with "high kill" shelters in the South), something about this particular dog struck the woman who received the email. And one thing led to another. The woman here committed to the volunteer in Missouri to figuring out how to get the dog from Missouri to Maine (where the woman lives). The woman in Missouri arranged to board the dog somewhere in Missouri in the meantime. It took a month or more for the woman here to arrange transportation to bring the dog to Maine (where the woman lives) and a little longer to find a place in Maine to "foster" the dog - a "doggie day care center." Then the organization posted Ella's picture on line as available for adoption, a few weeks ago, I think. And this week, I saw it.
Now David and I may meet Ella this weekend - if arrangements to bring her from Maine can be worked out - and "foster" her for a week or so to see if she likes us and we like her and even might want to adopt her long term. In a way it seems too soon after losing Jessie. In another way, it feels like something that just is supposed to be happening. Even if we decide this is not the dog for us long term, perhaps we will keep her as a "foster" dog for a while. I have to think, that Jessie would approve of us helping another dog in any way, short or long term.
So very many dogs, treated like disposable toys, discarded for any or no reason than convenience. Of course in a world in which human beings treat other human beings - even children - as disposable, how can I be surprised that some would treat "mere" creatures the same and worse. Perhaps one day dogs will evolve (while we humans are still yelling at each other on MSNBC and Fox News) and learn to speak for themselves and rise up, seek justice. They can only improve this world, and I for one will be happy to hand it over to them, to the loyalty, commitment and love they embody every day. Perhaps if I learn to evolve some more myself, one of them will consider me to be "adoptable."
Peace. Kindness and compassion to all creatures, including little Ella.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Saturday morning
A picture from my trip:
I'm home after a full week away. I flew to Nashville, TN on Thursday, Oct. 28th and stayed the night, visiting with Aunt M, Cousin C -- who has fully recovered from her terrible car accident back in July - and a visit from Cousin D and Crazy Larry. Then Friday drove to Atlanta. (I was very nervous about driving to and back from Atlanta, but it worked out okay.) I spent Friday evening through Tuesday evening with my son, daughter-in-law and grandson, who turned four while I was there. My brother John joined us some of the time, too. For my grandson's birthday, my son and I drove with him down to Cordele, GA to "Day Out with Thomas" (Thomas the Train, for the uninitiated). It was about a 2-hour drive each way, but my grandson was SO excited and had such a good time. My son's father (my ex), H, met us there, driving up from the GA coast where he now lives, and my grandson loved having Grandpa there, too. And it was lovely to have the 2-hour ride each way to talk with my son (who kindly did the driving!). Then I drove back to Nashville on Wed and flew home on Thursday. Wed night, we cousins plus Crazy Larry had a rip-roaring game of Triple Yahtzee (used to be my mom's favorite). It reminded me of how good it is to "do" things together, rather than TV-watch. By the end, I was ready to come home. Sleeping on couches and strange beds, living out of a suitcase, being a "guest" - it gets harder as one gets older, I think. But all in all, a lovely week (and very nice to be off of work for 7 work days - I took off the Friday after the day I got home, too).
Now I'm home and the apartment is quiet and empty feeling - no Jessie. Poor David was here by himself for the whole week and I know he really felt Jessie's absence. (Another benefit of going out of town for a week was changing my surroundings which helped - or at least postponed - dealing with losing Jessie.) Yesterday after I got back I went to the vet's office and picked up Jessie's "remains". It made me sad just to drive up to the vet's office and go inside. At some point fairly soon I will scatter her ashes in the park. It's not so much that that was Jessie's "favorite" place. I'm not sure she had a favorite place. She loved being out anywhere, really. But we spent so much time there together over the past year, and I expect to keep spending time there, so going there will be a way to continue to be with Jessie. I'm not quite ready to do the scattering yet. But I don't want to wait too long either.
While I was away, the mid-term elections took place. I saw television again for the first time in 2 months - haven't been missing much, from what I could tell, especially as leading up to election day, the TV was full of nasty election ads. It will be interesting to see what happens over the next 2 years. My grandmother - may she rest in peace - who grows wiser every year that I grow older, used to say "Be careful what you ask for - you might get it!" I would offer the Tea Party and Republicans that same advice. Of course, my main feeling is a pox on all their houses.
Monday I have a mammogram and bone density scan. Then I see Dr. M on November 30th. I think December may be a doctor-free 31 days.
Peace and well-being to each conscious being - 2-legged, 4-legged and no-legged (whales! dolphins!) - on earth.
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