Happy New Year to all. Is it possible that in 2012 we'll begin to treat each other with respect if not kindness and care for the planet as if we understood that our lives and our children's and grandchildren's lives depended on it? I have to hope so and nurture faith in my fellow human beings. I have faith in nature, in its ability to be challenged, to repair itself and go on. And we human beings are part of nature, whatever grandiose (and wrong) ideas we may have about ourselves.
But in the meantime, still so much suffering. Poverty. War. Disease. Hunger. Loneliness.
My prayer of hope for this new year 2012 - may each of us be free of fear; may each of us be healthy; may each of us be happy; may every single one of us live in peace.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Sunday morning
Ella and I went to the park this morning. I awoke - actually Ella woke me (David and I had gone to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie last night and got home and went to bed later than usual) later than usual, after 7:00 am, so arrived at the park at around 7:30. A bright and beautiful and cold morning. The sun already 15 degrees over the horizon, a position it may usually just be reaching as we leave the park. The season's first skims of ice formed on the pond. We also were at the park yesterday, and yesterday there was a flock of Canada geese there. Yesterday was a still chilly morning and the flock of geese floated almost motionless across the pond, as if planted in soil rather than floating on water. Today no geese at all, a couple of Mallards and that was all. On our way around the western loop we met a friendly man and dog (the latter named Malya) and I let Ella say hello. The man was - as often is the case - quite taken with Ella and asked questions about her. Meanwhile Ella and Malya became acquainted - Ella on lease, Malya (male) not. Eventually I let Ella go and the two had quite a romp. Ella is twice Malya's size but his littler teeth were just as sharp and he was not shy with his nips if Ella got out of line. It was good for Ella. I wish I had more occasions when I felt comfortable letting her romp with another dog.
Today's walk in the park reminded me of why I love going to the park. It reminded me of how good it is to pay attention to what is happening in your life right at this moment, since there actually isn't any other moment. To be caught up in what already happened - which is gone, done and over - or what might happen - which hasn't yet happened and may never happen or may happen entirely differently than you imagine - what a waste. And yet we do it. I do it. My guess is I do it more than I do not do it. In other words, most of my life I am living and not paying attention to it, but thinking (in my case at least) usually of what is to come. Why? What is so intimidating or frightening about paying attention to now? Is it that we think we'll be unprepared for what comes? The closer the end of my life comes - and even believing that I am well and cancer-free and going to stay that way, nonetheless, the end of my life is coming closer, no two ways about that - the more afraid I become of getting to the end and realizing I didn't pay attention to my life, I didn't LIVE my life, and now it is too late.
Christopher Hitchens died this past week, may he rest in peace. I type those words and wonder what he would think of them. I think he would appreciate the sentiment but not the factual content. I've been reading quite a few obituaries and appreciations of him and I realize that he seems one person who actually did live his life in the now, paying attention. His writing certainly evidences the breadth of scope of his attention. So he died at age 62, but boy, did he live those 62 years. Would that we could all say the same.
Okay, time to go pay attention.
Peace.
Today's walk in the park reminded me of why I love going to the park. It reminded me of how good it is to pay attention to what is happening in your life right at this moment, since there actually isn't any other moment. To be caught up in what already happened - which is gone, done and over - or what might happen - which hasn't yet happened and may never happen or may happen entirely differently than you imagine - what a waste. And yet we do it. I do it. My guess is I do it more than I do not do it. In other words, most of my life I am living and not paying attention to it, but thinking (in my case at least) usually of what is to come. Why? What is so intimidating or frightening about paying attention to now? Is it that we think we'll be unprepared for what comes? The closer the end of my life comes - and even believing that I am well and cancer-free and going to stay that way, nonetheless, the end of my life is coming closer, no two ways about that - the more afraid I become of getting to the end and realizing I didn't pay attention to my life, I didn't LIVE my life, and now it is too late.
Christopher Hitchens died this past week, may he rest in peace. I type those words and wonder what he would think of them. I think he would appreciate the sentiment but not the factual content. I've been reading quite a few obituaries and appreciations of him and I realize that he seems one person who actually did live his life in the now, paying attention. His writing certainly evidences the breadth of scope of his attention. So he died at age 62, but boy, did he live those 62 years. Would that we could all say the same.
Okay, time to go pay attention.
Peace.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Friday night
I saw Dr. M this morning. I remember that there was a time when I wasn't so enamored of Dr. M; after all, it was someone in his office who initially blurted out to me on my very first phone call to him before I even had a diagnosis that "he recommended chemo therapy and radiation" when I had asked whether he recommended me coming into the office or consulting with him by phone. But I am enamored of him now. Some how, every time I see him, I leave feeling great. He radiates confidence in my continued health. One more check up with him before my 2 year NED date of April 2012. At any rate, a good visit, good discussion with him about a couple of things. Just good. I told him that Friday after Thanksgiving was the 2 year anniversary of having my fuzz cut off after I loss my hair from the first chemo. He thought it was "an emotional" or "draining" experience, recognizing the anniversary. No, I told him, it was a good, joyful experience. I am grateful I lost my hair from chemo. It did something wonderful for me. Freed me in some way from some hair-bound insecurity. At this most recent hair cut I asked the hairdresser to cut my hair "shorter" than usual. It's very short. I'm happy. Now if I can learn what "product" to use and how to use it to give a little spiky edge, I'll be even hap;pier.
I am a lucky person.
Had a scare about my son's health tonight. Turned out fine. Another reminder - I am a very lucky person.
Truly.
This old tree has, I believe, been standing on this slight rise in the park since before any person alive today was born. The blizzard of this past October stressed it but it stands.
Peace, peace, peace to all, all, all.
I am a lucky person.
Had a scare about my son's health tonight. Turned out fine. Another reminder - I am a very lucky person.
Truly.
This old tree has, I believe, been standing on this slight rise in the park since before any person alive today was born. The blizzard of this past October stressed it but it stands.
Peace, peace, peace to all, all, all.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Saturday
Happy Thanksgiving. I just skimmed an article that said that the fact that Obama gave a speech on Thanksgiving that did not expressly mention "God" caused "outrage." Not here. Yesterday I was listening to an NPR show - that hotbed of left-wing socialistic godless atheism - on historical issues relating to Thanksgiving. It was pointed out what a perfect holiday Thanksgiving is for America, exactly because it is a non-religious religious holiday, being "thankful" for "blessings" without actually being tied to any particular religion and therefore being inclusive in a way that religious religious holidays are not. Perhaps that is where Obama was coming from? But, gee, why give him the benefit of the doubt.
I had a wonderful visit to Atlanta. Pics to be attached.
Big brother helps little brother who pulls himself to his feet and investigates big brother's Monopoly game.
Yesterday, "black Friday" after Thanksgiving, I went and got my hair cut. I was reminded that it was the second anniversary of the day I had my hair cut off after beginning chemo therapy. Two years. Seems longer. And also, seems like just yesterday.
Ella and I went to the park in the morning yesterday and again this morning. The park is full of overturned trees and giant limbs torn from still standing trunks, from the October 30 snow storm. While we were there a full complement of Canada geese flew in and landed on the north pond. It was good to see them back.
Peace, peace, far and near.
I had a wonderful visit to Atlanta. Pics to be attached.
Big brother helps little brother who pulls himself to his feet and investigates big brother's Monopoly game.
Yesterday, "black Friday" after Thanksgiving, I went and got my hair cut. I was reminded that it was the second anniversary of the day I had my hair cut off after beginning chemo therapy. Two years. Seems longer. And also, seems like just yesterday.
Ella and I went to the park in the morning yesterday and again this morning. The park is full of overturned trees and giant limbs torn from still standing trunks, from the October 30 snow storm. While we were there a full complement of Canada geese flew in and landed on the north pond. It was good to see them back.
Peace, peace, far and near.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Tuesday morning
Power to the people.
At least, power to this people - David called me at work at around 2:30 yesterday afternoon. Power had come back on. It was weird coming home to a lit street and lit house. Even this morning when I turned on a light switch, I didn't really expect anything to happen. And yet, it was almost as if nothing happened. When the local news came on, I couldn't believe any story came before the power outages. I checked this morning, and there are still 23,000 people in the state without power. I feel for them. I'm grateful to have power back. And I'm pissed at CL&P and Butler in his $1.8 million house. Worst part is, if anger swells and he loses his job, he probably has an employment contract that will pay him millions in "severance". Golden f'ing parachute. Someone needs to snip those strings.
Power to the people.
Peace.
At least, power to this people - David called me at work at around 2:30 yesterday afternoon. Power had come back on. It was weird coming home to a lit street and lit house. Even this morning when I turned on a light switch, I didn't really expect anything to happen. And yet, it was almost as if nothing happened. When the local news came on, I couldn't believe any story came before the power outages. I checked this morning, and there are still 23,000 people in the state without power. I feel for them. I'm grateful to have power back. And I'm pissed at CL&P and Butler in his $1.8 million house. Worst part is, if anger swells and he loses his job, he probably has an employment contract that will pay him millions in "severance". Golden f'ing parachute. Someone needs to snip those strings.
Power to the people.
Peace.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Saturday morning
No power since 8:00 p.m. Saturday October 29. We had a snow storm - about 8 inches in my area - but with leaves still on the trees, there were branches, limbs and whole trees down everywhere. More than 800,000 customers without power. 8 days later, it's down to 230,000 without power - our neighborhood among them. It's been an interesting experience. I've been able to shower at work in the women's locker room, only having to wait in line for 20 minutes or so. David has made do with heating water on the store (we have a gas stove and that is working) and then taking a Haiti-style bath: get in the tub, ladle warm water over yourself, soap yourself, and ladle more warm water over yourself to wash off.
It's cold at night. About 50 degrees in the apartment. That doesn't sound that cold, but it grinds you down.
Still it's been interesting. I'm at Panera Bread this morning using Wi-Fi. One evening David and I went to Barnes & Noble to check email. Both times, both places have been real community scenes. People talking to strangers, getting to know each other, helping out. Perhaps we should lose power more often.
I wish there was a place that would take bets (actually, come to think of it, there probably is) on whether the power company will restore 99% of customers' power by Sunday evening at 11:59 p.m. I would bet against them. From what I've been hearing, it would be hard to find someone betting they will do it.
Many people have given up and gone elsewhere - to family or friends who do have power, to people whose power has been restored, to hotels. Some have traveled out of town. David and I (and Ella) have hunkered down.
Well, wishing peace and power (people power and otherwise) to all.
It's cold at night. About 50 degrees in the apartment. That doesn't sound that cold, but it grinds you down.
Still it's been interesting. I'm at Panera Bread this morning using Wi-Fi. One evening David and I went to Barnes & Noble to check email. Both times, both places have been real community scenes. People talking to strangers, getting to know each other, helping out. Perhaps we should lose power more often.
I wish there was a place that would take bets (actually, come to think of it, there probably is) on whether the power company will restore 99% of customers' power by Sunday evening at 11:59 p.m. I would bet against them. From what I've been hearing, it would be hard to find someone betting they will do it.
Many people have given up and gone elsewhere - to family or friends who do have power, to people whose power has been restored, to hotels. Some have traveled out of town. David and I (and Ella) have hunkered down.
Well, wishing peace and power (people power and otherwise) to all.
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