After

After you hear the girl from
The oncologist’s office tell you
You might die – not her words, her words
Being chemotherapy and radiation – you
Are stunned for an instant. It’s not that
You weren’t expecting those words. You had
Considered the possibility, but you did not
Expect to hear them at that moment from the girl
Who had called you to set an appointment for
You to talk to the oncologist either in person
Or on the telephone. What does he recommend
You asked her meaning you thought obviously
In person or on the telephone? Oh, she says, almost
As an aside, he recommends chemotherapy and radiation.
Could you make an appointment on Monday at two?
Yes, you tell her, Monday is fine. Wait, she says, how
About twelve-thirty, he has surgery that afternoon.
How nice, you think, someone else is still
Before. Maybe her after will be better than yours.

Day 1 post treatment recommendation blurt

So the oncologist's office calls me yesterday and the girl on the phone asks do I want to talk to the doctor on the phone or meet with him in person. I ask which does he recommend, meaning, I thought obviously - does he prefer to meet in person or provide results on the phone. She blurts out, "Oh, he recommends chemo therapy and radiation." Okay, well gee, that's not quite what I was asking about. So she starts looking for a time on Monday, Nov. 2nd, when I can come and meet with him. But I realize I can't wait until then to talk to him in person, to hear at least the words she blurted out from his mouth. So I tell her so. I say, look given what you just blurted out, I think I need to talk to him today, at least for a few minutes. So later he calls. He's very kind. He's very personable. But he's very proper and conservative. It's all "our goal is to cure you." ??? Like my goal every New Year is to lose 15 pounds, but if I fail to reach my goal, I don't die from it. I didn't care much for that. And he said "we'll get you through this" which sounded a little better, but still not quite satisfactory. In the end he gave me his home phone number so that if over the weekend I decide I want to talk to him and get the details before the scheduled Monday appointment, I can call him,

David was pretty mad about the office girl's misunderstanding. I have to admit - who does that? Even if she thinks that that really is what I was asking, why would she take it on herself to deliver the news, and like that? She should have said something like "I think it would be better for you to talk to the doctor directly; I'll have him call you." David will go with me on Monday and that's good, because I am not sure I'll be in any state to really take in what the doctor is saying, the implications, etc.

So I cried, but not too much. If I stop to feel, what I feel is sad. Anyway, then I sent emails off - to the kids, to people at work and to V, M and S.

That's it for now.