Tuesday midday

My fourth day off of work in a row - a 4 day weekend. If every week were 4 days off followed by 3 days of work followed by ... how lovely it would be.

Ella and I made it to the park for the fourth day in a row, this morning we arrived early, around 5:50, sun just up and over the horizon. A line of Canada geese were walking from the small pond, crossing the pavement of the drive that winds through the park and onto the grassy lawn. One neat, straight line of geese. The geese already on the lawn were grazing there, while their compatriots plodded along, webbed foot by webbed foot - reminding me of being 8 or 10 years old and trying to walk with flippers on my feet. When I saw the geese, I parked a little further away that I would otherwise have done and we went to the path we take by a slightly circuitous route so as not to disturb them. At the larger side of the pond, male Mallards rested in the grass. I think all the females are on their nests, hidden in the brush nearby. The heron was back, standing in the water at the edge of the small side of the pond. Long, grey-green. Birds everywhere calling, singing, flitting, swooping, chasing. Today the air was dryer, the hot humid mornings seem to be put behind us for now, over head the pale cloudless sky portended the hot day it is now turning into, but at that hour still cool and breezy.

A good start to day 4 of my 4 day weekend.

Peace.

Thursday night

Quick note. Although I thought I remembered Dr. M telling me as I was rolled out of the operating room after the biopsy that everything was "fine," I wasn't absolutely positive. I was positive that he said - BEFORE I went into the operating room and got the anesthesia - that he would call me in a day or two with the results. So when he hadn't called by today, 2 days later, I called his office this afternoon. Finally he called me back around 4:00 p.m. Everything IS fine. The pathology came back clear and he was satisfied with what he saw, too. The "thickening" is scar tissue from the radiation. He told me I'm fine, not to worry, to have a great summer and he'd see me at my already scheduled next regular appointment in August.

Good news.

Thanks to V for driving me to and from, to David for being so supportive not only the day before, the day of but also since, while waiting for final word. To H for thinking of and checking on me while so enmeshed in so much more significant issues. I continue to be a very lucky person.

Peace.

Saturday morning

(Picture from last year, not this morning; and I even thought about bringing my camera today and thought the batteries are probably dead or almost dead and so left it at home.)

Ella and I got to the park around 6:30 this morning (she let me sleep late!). The weather was warmer than the past few days, not raining, but kind of spritzing, as if mist were bursting out of the air spontaneously to dampen us. Almost the first thing I saw was the heron, standing in the grass about 10-12 feet from us next to the small side of the pond. Thankfully Ella's attention was fully engaged toward the large side of the pond where a couple of Canada geese floated languidly. Having a chance to see the heron really close up, I am not sure he/she IS a great blue heron. I need to check the bird book again. If he/she is a great blue heron, he/she is a juvenile - but then that would mean not the same heron as last year. I stood and watched him/her and then the heron leaped into the air, unfurled his/her wings - which seem huge when extended, his/her heck crooked, head pulled back, making him/her look like an entirely different bird than the tall, sleek stately thing that poised in the grass, stock still - and floated across the pond and disappeared behind the trees. I didn't see him/her again this morning, although we walked around both loops once and the north loop twice.

It was a good morning in the cool (but finally spring-like) morning air, face and hair ever so slightly damp with morning mist, like a flower must feel when touched by dew.

Peace.

Friday afternoon

This past Tuesday I saw Dr M for my regular appointment. Everything was fine except ... except in doing the internal exam he thought that there was a little more thickness than he expected, and tenderness (I winced when he put pressure) at the top of the vagina. He didn't seem really concerned, and said he was 99% sure it was just the effects of radiation on that area, but he suggested he could do a biopsy as an out-patient procedure under anesthesia. Not really surgery, just a needle biopsy. It seemed as if he might have been able to do a biopsy right in his office, but because it had been uncomfortable for me, wanted to do it under anesthesia. I decided to go ahead and do it because even if he is 99% sure everything is okay, why should I live with 1%. It seems to me when an oncologist suggests a biopsy, a cancer patient probably should agree to do it.

So that led to a bunch of other arrangements needing to be made. I had to go have an EKG because it's been more than a year since I had one (before the original surgery in October 2009) and I am over 60 - well, I am 60 and some months so I guess that is "over" 60. And I had to have blood work done. And on Monday night I'll have to drink icky stuff to "clean out my colon" - wonderful expression, isn't it? And I'll miss an entire day of work.

Today I tried to find out what time the "procedure" is scheduled for so I can talk to a couple of people about the possibility of bringing me there and/or picking me up afterwards - and I had to (and I am NOT exaggerating) call 6 different numbers and speak to 7 or 8 different people to find out a time that isn't even certain yet, and in the end, it was Dr. M's office that told me, even though they said the hospital doesn't want them to (because the hospital wants to be able to reschedule people at the last minute presumably so doctors can go play golf if the weather is good). So (tentatively) the procedure is at 1:00 pm (which means I'll be starving and dying of thirst by the time it is over) and I have to be at the hospital at 11:00 am - unless they call me on Monday and change it, which I would be willing to bet good money they will do.

My emotions swung wildly in the hours following the appointment with him - from thinking that it means the cancer has or will come back - which is unlikely as I just had a very clean CT scan and blood tests and feel fine - to thinking of the whole thing only in terms of the inconvenience and cost (to date this year - in which all that I have done is have regular checkups and blood work and 1 CT scan, my out-of-pocket medical costs have exceeded $700 and that was before this "out patient surgical procedure" - who know what that will cost, but in the thousands I'm sure).

And it's been raining. Every. Single. Day. All. Week. Long.

That's the good news.

The bad news... let's see, what have we this week: flooding along the Mississippi, HIV in Africa, Cholera in the Dominican Republic as well as Haiti, who knows what the Japanese people are going through - that's not "news" any more, etc. etc.

My new grandson still had some jaundice on Monday for his first doctor visit, but was otherwise fine.

Tomorrow, Ella and I to the park.

I need to see green, hear birds, watch the waters of the pond stir slowly.

Peace.

Friday evening

Welcome to the world, Daniel Cello!








Your big brother Cach will watch over you.










Cello's big brother, Cach.

Peace, peace near and far, may the stars smile on us all.

Monday evening

My new grandson Daniel Cello - 7 pounds 6 ounces (approximately - my son wasn't sure of the exact weight) was born today, May 9th, some time this morning (between 9:30 and 10:30, approximately). His mother and he are both doing well. That's all the news so far, but what good news!

May little Daniel grow and thrive in peace and well being.

May his little light shine a blessing on us all.

Peace.

Saturday morning

So many strands converging.

My new grandson is due to be born tomorrow morning

Today is the 32nd yartzeit (anniversary of Jewish date) of my father's passing. My mother-in-law, Corinne, passed away from metastisized breast cancer a few years later within a few days of the same calendar date.

Ann F passed away this past week. Ann was our neighbor in Jackson Height, NY for many years. She found us the apartment we lived in. She helped furnish it with donations to the synagogue's thrift store and some of her own (we ate from her former dining room table for years). She watched over us. We celebrated Jewish holidays in her home with other families in our building. She yelled at the kids to stay off the grass she had planted in our building's little court yard. She was truly my Jewish mother and I am sure I would not have made it through those years, newly divorced, drastically changed path in life, new convert to Judaism, single mother - without Ann and her husband Sol. May they both rest in peace, their memories truly a blessing to their families and those they cared for as family.

Ella and I went back to the park this morning, early, before 6:30. Birds everywhere. A Mallard male paired with a female apparently nesting in a small pool-really a puddle- of water in the woods, lifted into the air and flew by me at eye-height about 6 feet away. It was still cool and there was a silver coat of mist covering the meadow between the rose garden and the pond. Except for the singing calling birds, all was quiet, peaceful. I guess we arrived early enough to avoid others, dog walkers, runners. There were 2 people taking photos - 1 in the tulip garden and 1 in "my" rock garden. A restful walk.

Peace upon us all.