Friday afternoon

This past Tuesday I saw Dr M for my regular appointment. Everything was fine except ... except in doing the internal exam he thought that there was a little more thickness than he expected, and tenderness (I winced when he put pressure) at the top of the vagina. He didn't seem really concerned, and said he was 99% sure it was just the effects of radiation on that area, but he suggested he could do a biopsy as an out-patient procedure under anesthesia. Not really surgery, just a needle biopsy. It seemed as if he might have been able to do a biopsy right in his office, but because it had been uncomfortable for me, wanted to do it under anesthesia. I decided to go ahead and do it because even if he is 99% sure everything is okay, why should I live with 1%. It seems to me when an oncologist suggests a biopsy, a cancer patient probably should agree to do it.

So that led to a bunch of other arrangements needing to be made. I had to go have an EKG because it's been more than a year since I had one (before the original surgery in October 2009) and I am over 60 - well, I am 60 and some months so I guess that is "over" 60. And I had to have blood work done. And on Monday night I'll have to drink icky stuff to "clean out my colon" - wonderful expression, isn't it? And I'll miss an entire day of work.

Today I tried to find out what time the "procedure" is scheduled for so I can talk to a couple of people about the possibility of bringing me there and/or picking me up afterwards - and I had to (and I am NOT exaggerating) call 6 different numbers and speak to 7 or 8 different people to find out a time that isn't even certain yet, and in the end, it was Dr. M's office that told me, even though they said the hospital doesn't want them to (because the hospital wants to be able to reschedule people at the last minute presumably so doctors can go play golf if the weather is good). So (tentatively) the procedure is at 1:00 pm (which means I'll be starving and dying of thirst by the time it is over) and I have to be at the hospital at 11:00 am - unless they call me on Monday and change it, which I would be willing to bet good money they will do.

My emotions swung wildly in the hours following the appointment with him - from thinking that it means the cancer has or will come back - which is unlikely as I just had a very clean CT scan and blood tests and feel fine - to thinking of the whole thing only in terms of the inconvenience and cost (to date this year - in which all that I have done is have regular checkups and blood work and 1 CT scan, my out-of-pocket medical costs have exceeded $700 and that was before this "out patient surgical procedure" - who know what that will cost, but in the thousands I'm sure).

And it's been raining. Every. Single. Day. All. Week. Long.

That's the good news.

The bad news... let's see, what have we this week: flooding along the Mississippi, HIV in Africa, Cholera in the Dominican Republic as well as Haiti, who knows what the Japanese people are going through - that's not "news" any more, etc. etc.

My new grandson still had some jaundice on Monday for his first doctor visit, but was otherwise fine.

Tomorrow, Ella and I to the park.

I need to see green, hear birds, watch the waters of the pond stir slowly.

Peace.