Jessie and I got to the park a little before 6:00 am today. Just before we arrived, on a city street next to the park, I saw a new creature (new for me) -- a fox. Beautiful. Longer than I expected, long low body, really long tail, unusual color - sort of grey-red-rust-brown. Beautiful. There are what seem to be a couple of acres of fairly dense woods across from the park, in the middle of the residential area that surrounds the park. The fox was trotting down the side of the street that borders that little area of woods. I assume he/she lives there.
No heron this morning, but I did see 2 mother Mallards with their new fledglings. One mother had 2 ducklings. They were on the grass next to the pond, learning to look for insect breakfasts I would wager. The second mother had 4 ducklings. They, too, were on the grass near the other side of the pond, and when Jessie and I were a little ways away, mother duck led the ducklings into the pond and they all swam out of harm's way (not knowing how undangerous a pair are Jessie and I). Those tiny ducklings can swim!
I must try to get up earlier tomorrow. Today I am hoping to install in front of my living room window the new pole I bought last week on which I will be hanging a new bird feeder I bought a couple weeks ago. I am hoping to be able to watch birds from home as well as when Jessie and I make it further afield.
Still tired. I spoke to a friend at work, a woman who herself had breast cancer and a mastectomy a few years ago, and she told me that the year AFTER the year in which she had 4 surgeries (she ended up not needing chemo or radiation, although she is on some sort of on-going chemo pill), the year AFTER she was more exhausted than the year she was going through it. She said the year after brought emotional exhaustion as well as physical exhaustion. I think that's exactly right. I expected when the "treatment" was over, to be able to bounce back - after all, it seemed as if I "handled" going through the diagnosis and the treatment pretty well. I was able to get back to work very soon, full time soon after, and life went on. Now that the "treatment" is done, emotionally I think I am feeling that I should be able to really get back to true "normal." Instead I feel just as tired every evening, some times more so, as I did during the treatment days. Then acknowledging that is frustrating and emotionally exhausting. I think I really do need rest - both physical and emotional. Next weekend when I take off 2 work days for a 5 day weekend should be a start towards the physical rest. The 2 night retreat may be able to be a start towards the emotional rest. We'll see.
Otherwise, the main post-chemo physical effect is the neuropathy in my feet, which has improved. Only my toes and the balls of my feet are in the main affected now. Dr. M did tell me that some of this effect may be permanent - may the words rot on his tongue, slide back down his esophagus, land in his stomach and give him indigestion. I hope not. While not painful, the sensation is so weird and disturbing, I would hate to think I will have to live with it. Of course, there are worse things, much worse things... okay, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to feel like the balls of my feet and my toes are wrapped in ever-so-slightly electrified cotton bunting for whatever the rest of my life turns out to be. I'll take it over the many alternatives.
I am more depressed every day at the story and pictures coming out of the Gulf. Where is that "We can do it" President of ours? Don't tell me you're appointing a "commission" to "study" how this happened. Get people down there - go down there yourself, take your wife, your kids, and invite college and high school kids to spend the summer there (end school early!) and get a wave of volunteers down there and stop that oil from destroying precious wetlands. Build sand bars, do whatever it takes. Mobilize people. And arrest and lock up the BP executives, and fire Salazar. We can do it -- what? Violate people's first amendment rights, keep Guantanamo in place after promising not to, let BP drill in the Gulf without the legally required permits and without the REQUIRED environmental impact study. I am a very disappointed citizen.
But still... peace .. an oil-free (and toxic-detergent dispersal agent-free) peace to all creatures, especially those in the Gulf.
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