I started keeping this list of things I was learning from cancer months ago, during the first rounds of chemotherapy late last year. I added to the list as the months and treatments went by. One note: this is written as if I am addressing another person but in fact, this was and is addressed to me. Still, maybe family and friends may learn something from reading it - about me.
Peace.
1.
Listen to your body. This is not a suggestion that you become a hypochondriac, but when your body talks to you, don’t stick your fingers in your ears and ignore it. That’s just stupid. it seems obvious that dealing with things sooner rather than later leads to happier results in the world of cancer. You probably think this means you have to be brave. Don’t go there. You don’t have to face
everything today. Just listen to your body and take the first next step. There will be time to be scared later. Nevertheless, if/when you find yourself with your fingers in your ears, don’t beat yourself up. Just remove your fingers and try to take that first step. If your fingers seem permanently stuck in your ears, find someone who loves you to help pry them out. Take that person with you when you take that first hard step.
2.
You are not alone. Despite your fears and insecurities and sometimes appearances to the contrary, you are not alone in your walk with and through cancer. Perhaps without knowing it, and certainly without requesting it, you have been given citizenship in the country of cancer. (When you receive a cancer diagnosis,
ipso facto, you become a cancer survivor because now you are
living with cancer.) If you are caring for someone with cancer, you were given a permanent resident’s visa – cancer’s green card. You already know people who have had cancer. Talk to them; they will be glad to talk to you. You will soon find out other people you know have also had cancer, you just didn’t know it. They will seek you out. You are not alone.
3.
People can be kind. You may be surprised at the kindness of people who learn you are traveling with and through cancer. Your own friends may surprise you, family, too. Of course you know they care about you, even love you. But are you prepared for their compassion and loyalty? As you negotiate through the corridors of cancer, you may soon find kindness wherever you look – among the medical professionals who don’t treat you as their “job,” among the family members of other cancer patients you meet, among your colleagues and co-workers, even among strangers. You may even find yourself determined to become a kinder person yourself. If someone fails to be kind, they may be afraid. You might try out your new determination to become a kinder person yourself - by giving them the benefit of the doubt.
4.
You need nature. Your oncology/radiation team will prescribe all kinds of protocols, treatments, medicines, vitamins, supplements and diet changes. They know what they are talking about. But you still need nature to heal you. As often as possible go to a place in which plants – trees, bushes, flowers, grass, even weeds -- and creatures -- birds, squirrels and other wild things -- are the citizens. Where rocks lay still and water stirs and runs. Listen to wind's song and stay as long as you can. Walk, but also be still. Open your ears and your eyes. Depending on the season, try to actually
see the leaves changing color, the ice hardening on a pond’s surface, the flower buds opening, the grass springing up. Try to learn the rhythms of nature to carry with you back to the halls of cancer. It will help you there.
5.
Cancer isn’t a competition. Cancer is hard, it’s stressful and it will test you. But it isn’t a contest and you won’t win points for heroism. There will be bad days, and
really bad days in the country of cancer. You will feel sad and you will feel mad as hell. You are allowed to cry, to yell, to scream. You will feel sick and tired of
being sick and tired. You need to find your
own path through your dark hours; someone else’s candle may not light
your way. When it is really hard, you may want to pull in, withdraw and close down for a while. Do it. Do it without apology or wasting the time it takes to put on a brave face. But listen to and know your own heart. Know when it becomes
too hard for you,
too much for you to handle. When it does, and likely it will at some point, reach out for help.
6.
Don’t become your cancer. Just because you
have cancer, you don’t have to
become cancer. Whoever you were the day before - the moment before - you received your cancer diagnosis, you s
till are. If you were smart, funny, hardworking and passionate, you still are. If you had habits that annoyed other people before you had cancer, you have them still, and they are still annoying. Having cancer doesn’t turn you into a saint. It
might help you become a better person, but only in the same way that having to face any adversity might do. And if, before you had cancer, you had dreams, those dreams still belong to you.
Your name is on them, no one else’s. Claim your dreams. Live for them.
Be your dreams, not your diagnosis.
7.
Cancer offers more than one "What If". When your cancer treatment finishes, the first thing you are likely to think is, "What if my cancer comes back?" It's true; it might come back. But that's not the only "what if" you are offered. What if your cancer
doesn't come back? What then? Of course, it would be better if we could all dispense with "What If?" entirely and live each day of our lives just in that day, in that moment, letting the future take care of itself. We all know this. Many of us strive for this with more or less success. But to ask What if? is human. Still, a year before your cancer diagnosis, did you lay awake at night, tossing, turning and wondering "What if I get cancer?" It's true, some do. But most do not - we are busy living, dealing with the myriad "what ifs" of daily life, when cancer arrives unannounced and most unwelcome. Now, when your cancer treatment is finally finished, what if your cancer goes back to where it came from and never returns? Could you handle that? Are you ready to keep on living?
