Thursday evening

It's not Lyme disease. At least, Jessie may also have Lyme disease, but that's not the only or main thing wrong. When David got her to take her medicine today, and she threw up a couple hours later, still not eating much of anything at all, I called and got an appointment. I had to stay at work - today was end of quarter and one of our biggest days (I worked 12 hours yesterday and again today) . David took Jessie in. He called me later to say he'd left her there for them to give her fluids. They found "a mass" in her abdomen. Anyway, later the vet called me. They can't tell if it is malignant or benign without operating to remove her spleen and then a biopsy. The vet said there is more than a remote chance that it could be benign, and if it is, Jessie should be fine without her spleen. They are going to do a couple more tests in the morning - including more chest x-rays - to see if more tumors/masses are visible in other places in her body. If they are, then the surgery is probably not warranted because likely it is cancer and has already spread. If they don't find anything else, then Jessie will likely have the surgery in the morning. I have no idea how long it takes to find out results, except my guess is that even if they don't have formal "biopsy" results back right away, the surgeon will have some idea whether it "looks" good or bad.

I feel so bad for Jessie. I'm going to go visit her in the morning - because if she does have the surgery, the vet said there are risks and sometimes things happen, and I want to be sure to have been with her.

It feels ... extravagant to spend money for surgery on ... a dog ... and if the vet said or says tomorrow that the chances are overwhelming that it is cancer and her future is bleak, then I would say why make her go through more trauma of surgery. But if she has a chance- just a decent, fighting chance - to be well, healthy, I feel she deserves that chance. The first 3 years of her life were hard. She's just begun to really thrive. It's not enough. I want to give her that shot. Unless there is really no shot and it would just be harder on her.

Pray for sweet Jessie. Pray for all creatures who suffer- 2 legged, 4 legged, finned, winged - whether in hunger, in thirst, in pain, in disease, in old age, in loneliness, in poverty, in war, in fear.

Peace. Peace. Peace be upon us all, now and always.