Tuesday afternoon

Okay, it's official. I am nervous, scared, anxious and full of dread about tomorrow. Okay, glad we got that out of the way.

Jessie and I saw the heron this morning, still on the ducks' side of the pond. Today he/she was actually wading in the pond, about 4 or 5 feet from the shore. While I watched, he/she began to stretch out his/her neck and very very slowly began leaning over toward the water. I thought, oh, she (I've decided I'm going to call this heron a SHE from now on until I learn otherwise) is going to go for a fish. But instead of shooting her beak into the water after a fish, she kind of flopped over in slow motion and the whole top half of her went under water. Like getting dunked. If she was going for a fish, she's not very good at it. I thought maybe she was taking a little bath (not that I'd want to bathe in that pond - too many ducks and Canadian geese. Ick squared!)

Otherwise, dropped by my office to pick up a couple of things. Went to the grocery store. Read some. Spoke to my daughter which was lovely.

The only significant cancer-related news is that I was finally approved to join an on-line subscription based support group for women with gynocological cancers. I logged on and read the other group members' introductions; sobering. They all seemed to be very strong women with (unfortunately) longer experience dealing with cancer(s) than I. Made me realize again how truly lucky I am. Seems sort of pathetic to be as full of anxiety as I am about my first treatment in the face of their collective experiences and on-going battles. I also realized that while I have really wanted to join this support group, when I did and went to start reviewing the first postings, I saw that I am actually not yet ready to read all the nitty-gritty details of dealing with cancer treatments, side effects, etc. I guess when I start going through that and dealing with those issues myself, then likely I will be looking for advice, support and so on. But it was interesting to learn about myself that I am not yet ready to hear details about other people's hard hard struggles. I'll get there, I'm sure. And hopefully be able to be there as support for others, myself, some day.

Lovely notes from Jon and Cathy. Trying to fix a time to get together with V, M and S - something to look forward to post-first chemo.

Well, I'm actually so nervous that I"m going to stop writing now. Perhaps I'll log in and write more later. Otherwise, the next post will be post-first-chemo. That'll be great!

Peace.