Friday night

We're still here - Jessie and me. Jessie is doing well, I think. She definitely likes the canned dog food that the guy at the pet food store said was the "tastiest" brand they sell, something called Grannie's Pot Pie. Looks pretty good. She's still going for walks - if anything, seems a little less stiff. She sleeps a lot, but maybe I'm just hyperaware of how much "reclining" she always has done. I stopped giving her the pills for Lyme disease and she stopped throwing up. Hmmm. Cause and effect? Given the sarcoma growing on her spleen, treating her for Lyme with pills that make her sick to her stomach doesn't seem really to the point.

Anyway, to all who continue to send kind messages, wishes, and prayers out to Jessie (and me), thank you. Jessie thanks you, too, and... what? What? Oh, Jessie says to tell you "Thanks for the prayers, but could you please pray for more chicken."

As of tomorrow, it is I think 5 weeks since David and I cut off cable TV. Since my TV is a small, decrepit and quite pitiful analog model, no cable means no TV whatsoever. Of course, I suppose I could get some sort of digital converter box, but we haven't and don't intend to. At some point in the future I would like to get a very small flat screen digital TV so that we could watch broadcast TV, especially PBS. But not yet. We're still in the detox phase. I did sign up for Netflix, the cheapest offering - 1 movie at a time. This results in about 1.5 movies a week, which is about right for us. A friend at work lent me some time ago a "book on CD" of a Harry Potter novel. It has some unbelievable number of CDs - like 17? I began listening to it on the drive up to Maine when I went to Wooden Boat School for my lofting class, and again on the drive home. That got me through about 6 or 7 CDs. So David and I have been listening to it on some evenings. It's wonderful. It makes me think I will look into getting other books to listen to.

At any rate, no TV is a really good thing. It makes the evenings seem much longer. Occasionally there is a kind of "twitchy" feeling, a kind of withdrawal - more emotional than physical but still real - where I find myself thinking "there is something I should be doing" kind of thoughts - and ironically the "thing I should be doing" is wasting time with the TV on, and thinking "what a waste, there's nothing on TV."

Perhaps Jessie will feel well enough one day this weekend for us to go to the park together. I haven't been since the Sunday she became ill, which will be 2 weeks day after tomorrow. I can't bear to go alone. I accept that at some point I will have to do so because I need the park. Well, that's my wish, my prayer - that Jessie will feel well enough that I think it is okay to ask her to clamber into the car and go to the park at least one more time.

Autumn arrives. The trees are turning loose their leaves, some yellow, orange, red. Many brown. Nights are cool, hinting at bringing a chill. My favorite time of year. One year ago next week, I was going in for the first surgical procedure that didn't happen because of "bleeding,' that led my gynecologist to recommend the hysterectomy that led to the diagnosis of cancer. One year ago next Wednesday,

The seasons turn.

Peace.