Saturday morning

Zap #15, #16, #17, and #18 down, 7 zaps to go

Jessie and I got to the park this morning. Cold but not unbearable. We went kind of late for us, about 7:00 am. The sun was already up. Quiet in the park. Walking the east loop, hearing the snow crunch under my boots, feeling the cold, seeing the icy pond surface covered in snow (it's been cold enough that the snow cover on the pond surface hasn't melted), I realized I felt ... happy.

I feel better, and have since Wednesday or Thursday. Dr. VR advised my buying (and taking) Imodium for the Big D, but as early as Sunday and Monday I tried to adjust my diet to stick to low fiber, and it seemed that by Wednesday I was feeling better and by Thursday I could really tell the difference. I had a brief relapse yesterday but not terrible and today I feel well again. So I'm holding the Imodium in reserve.

Thanks to all who lent support during that rough period in particular. J from out west, as always - you're the best, and Crazy L from Music City and G from the old Hood and Helen as always. Thanks, too, to G from GA for sending me the wonderful CD. A good cause and good music. I talked to my son and my grandson this week. That was a high point. My grandson informed me he was "trying to read to Mama." According to my son, what that actually meant was - he was trying to get Mama to read to him, while also watching a DVD, listening to a CD, playing with a new wooden train and doing something or other on the Internet. Whew!

Cancer-wise news, I"m getting to know better the 2 women that I tend to run into at radiation, L and M, both having radiation for breast cancer. Yesterday I heard a little how the radiation has caused burns and sores on their skin. Made me feel lucky as, so far at least, I've had none of that. Sometimes when I finish radiation and I'm back in my car in a small, closed space, I think I can smell the scent of burned flesh - mine - but I think it's a hallucination. I've had no physical sign of any burns or discolorations. (L said she has a place on her breast that is as brown as M is - M is a lovely chocolate African-American). 7 more zaps to go - all of next week, and 2 days of the following week.

I met with Nurse S this week. She said that there is usually a gap of a couple weeks after radiation before starting chemo. I think the only reason she said that is because she knows I want to start chemo sooner and she is a kind of Grinch-person. I know the type; in fact, I've BEEN the type myself, hopefully not any more. Don't let people get their hopes up, always bring up the down side. Not death and doom, just the niggling hard bad side of things. Into hope-dashing on a day-to-day versus life-and-death scale. Icky. Anyway, it's not up to Nurse S - after next Tuesday, she'll be history. It's up to Dr. R, whom I have an appointment to see next Tuesday.

I learned something else about Dr. R - I remember writing here when I first met her, that she told me she had been at Dana Farber or Sloan Kettering before being here in Ct, I couldn't remember which. This week I learned it was Dana Farber. I found out when I mentioned her name to the new person at work, the guy who told me that he had had leukemia many years ago. This week he was telling me about his diagnosis (he was just 28 years old!), the treatment and so on. Turns out he had what was at the time an experimental bone marrow transplant where they use your own bone marrow after treating you to the point where the cancer is down to 2% or something like that. Anyway, he had the experimental marrow transplant at Dana Farber and Dr. R was his doctor. There was another, more senior doctor in charge. Dr. R was a young associate, but she was the one he saw on a regular basis over the many months of the pre, during and post transplant process. He remembers her with deep affection, and it was a real validation of my own sense of Dr. R.

I also asked Dr. M's office to confirm with the disability insurance company that I was able to work full time, and my short-term disability ended on Wednesday (or maybe it was Tuesday, I forget). Anyway, although I'm not changing my hours - which have been 7:00 or 7:15 am to 3:00 pm - which is obviously already more or less "full time" - until the radiation is done, I no longer have to worry about the disability claim. My supervisors have been clear that I can be flexible, as need be, to make doctor's appointments, and so on. So that horrible disability claim business is - hopefully forever - over with.

I'm feeling good. I'm hoping the mega-snow storm isn't causing too much hardship down south of us. I'm hoping that the most advanced industrial and technological countries in the world can figure out how to actually get water and a little food to hungry people - children! - in Haiti after more than 3 weeks! I'll bet you if an earthquake hit Hollywood, the movie stars wouldn't be living under their duvets waiting to get water and rice! Screw racism and capitalism.

Okay, I'm calmer now.

Peace.