Saturday morning

No park for Jessie and me this morning. First, it is snowing. Lightly - not like the winter storm that the rest of NY and New England seems to have gotten. Second, I'm in the upswing of the bone pain/ache effects of the post-chemo NuLasta shot and I just wasn't sure how I'd feel when I got to the park. I'm really fatigued. I have felt like I had more nausea from this chemo - just slight queasiness, not hold your head over a bucket and gag -- and general aches and weariness. But I guess partly that's because now I'm back at work full time, dealing with all that, and when i went through the first several chemos, I was either not working or working from home. At any rate, I just seem to want to sleep, not a lot of energy - except to eat, which has got to be those darn steroids. And already the chemo has affected my taste so that I feel like I"m starving but then the food doesn't really taste like much. Oh well, same old... same old.

I just registered for the "Weekend of Hope" retreat of cancer survivors in Stowe, VT at the end of April, first weekend of May. At least one of the women, L, I met during radiation is also registered. It feels funny to do it. There's a certain sense of acceptance of myself as a cancer survivor by doing it, looking past the initial "treatment" phase and on into the future. I don't want to become focused on cancer, even cancer survivorship, in my life, but I don't want to ignore it either. Anyway, a first step. (One discussion I sighed up for was something like "Art and Writing" for survivorship, but I promise not to drag this Blog out for the rest of my life!)

I'm going to have a cup of coffee and hunker down under a blanket and try to read, or give up the ghost and just sleep.

Peace